CT results

Finally getting results from all my tests. STill some residual blood clot in my left arm, so they don't know if that or the cancer is causing alll the swelling. At least I get to go to one shot instead of two on my blood thinner. $90 a shot. I kid you not. Ct scans showed growth in the cancer in my lungs and liver. The silver lining to that is I can now get in the clinical trial I was referred to in the summer. It has moved on to the second part of the study and because of the amount of other chemo drugs I have been on, I qualify for this. It is only once every three weeks so I figure it is some kick butt stuff. They wanted to set up my first treatment for the 21st but thankfully my dr. had given me the heads up to not take it until AFTER Christmas. So I am looking forward to being chemo free for the next three weeks. I won't know how to act not having to run tochemo every week. Will have a lot of preliminary tests to make sure I am healthy enough but I am very excited about this drug. It is used inlung cancer but has not been tried in triple negative breast cancer. That is specifically what this trial is for. My. dr. told my in August that this drug, if it works, will put me in remission. Please keep praying for me and that it be God's way of healing me.

Is it Christmas?

Looks like once again it has been awhile since I posted. Oh well, time flies when you have ancer. You better believe it ask anyone who has it. Since our last post, Philip put up our Christmas tree, on halloween I might add. It just happened some friends from church dropped by while he was at it. And the hubby of the couple is an absolute grinch about Christmas. He would wait til Christmas day to put up his tree if his family would let him. He just sat there, looking stunned, with me laughing so hard I was falling off the couch, His wife saying, "SEE. I TOLD YA! People actually put up trees! It was a visit I thoroughly enjoyed.
Still doing chemo weekly. Today is a chemo day, tomorrow I have CT scans to see if the chemo is working. If the tumors have grown, we try a new drug. If they haven't we stay with the same treatment. They have grown. The ones under my arm arm at least 10 times the size they were in August when I started to this oncologist. It has gone from a pea sized lump in my armpit to a large mass with about 8 individual tumors trying to break through my skin. Sorry if that is TMI. I asked my oncologist how many treatments to which he replied til they don't work anymore. Telling it like it is. Some days are diamonds and some days are stone. I wonder if I have had my last Thanksgiving. Did I just watch Rudolph for the last time? Yes, I made my 14 and 20 year old sons watch it with me. Will this be my last Christmas. I think so. I know I very possibly could be wrong and that's what I hold on to.
Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks. That would be a line from Forrest Gump when Jenny is throwing rocks at her old house.

hard talks

My baby, yes I know he is 14, was laying on the bed with me. I could tell something was wrong but he would'nt tell me. I finally asked was it me dying. He nodded yes. I have tried to be strong, be superwoman around my kids. I don;t let them see me cry, but I have been boohooing around here for awhile. How do you talk about dying to your baby? Nothing you say helps. He is a Christian and knows I and he both are going to heaven. My daddy died 13 years ago on the 12th of this month. Before he died my momma asked him did he see Marsha, my sister who died in 1986. He said, "No. Momma." So we know for a fact his momma was waiting for him. Still, it doesn't really help. 1 Thessallions where is says we do not grieve as those who have no hope. Those are things to hang on to but it doesnt stop you heart from breaking.

Expiration Date

THey think they found an expiration date on me. They say it says 6 months to three years. All because they found 3 or 4 tumors on my lungs and one on my liver. Pppphhhhhttt. They don't know me.....

Round two

I think I glowed in the dark last night. That had to be what was keeping me awake. I got injected with radioactive stuff for the bone scan. Got injected with dye for an abdomen, chest, and pelvic CT. Plus had to drink the contrast. But on the plus side, I do like my new oncologist. He has jumped on top of everything and has not wasted any time. Unlike the doctors that I switched from. So I went to the doctor Tuesday, got scanned all day Wednesday, go back for results Friday. Today is my day off. I have to go get my port flushed, go to stuffmart, buy groceries, cook....

But Clayton had the day off yesterday. He didn't go with me. My sister Beverly had the pleasure of sitting in the waiting rooms all day. We had a good time during all the waiting and talked about things we haven't before. Like what happens when you die. About going to the funeral home to see just what kind of insurance we have. Would it be cheaper to stay with that funeral home and have services at our church. Or switch to a different funeral home because the other one is 40 miles away and you don't want to inconvenience anyone by dieing. I promise you these are conversations we had.

Did I tell you the doctor said I would not be cured? Kinda explains the conversations, huh?

Oh, I meant to brag on Clayton. When I FINALLY got home, after 10 hours of scans, he had cleaned the living room. CLEANED THE REFRIDGERATOR, it looks new. Yes the INSIDE! cleaned our closet (I didn't know we had a closet floor), washed all the clothes that were in the bottom of the closet (found all kind of clothes that I had been looking for). Cleaned the kitchen. Let me repeat. cleaned the kitchen and the fridge. PLUs, I have a storage cabinet in the kitchen that looks like an outhouse. For real. It is a potato and onion bin, plus holds all my spices, oil, and all kinda extra junk that gets throwed in there. He had cleaned it out and arranged everything neatly. I will pause now while y'all recover.....(crickets chirping)

I bought him a shirt for me at Lifeway Christian bookstore. It says "My husband is a rich man. He has a stong faith. Children that love him. And a wife that adores him" Joshua 24:15. Honor begins at home.

And then last night, we went to church together. Like always. And it was good.

frowny face

I couldn't figure out how to do the frowny face thing in my title. So I just typed it. Just want to say being REdiagnosed with breast cancer, when you don't have any boobs cause you had them removed last year (scroll back in the blog, sucks.

Flood pics

The top pic is on Sat May 7 when we were trying to get a vehicle out. Notice the wake in front of the truck. Middle photo is secondary flooding past where we parked on dry land. Last one is SIL Kaye's mailbox